


Worthy Of Love by Vulcan Lover

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek The Original Series or TOS AU
Genre: Angst, Erotica, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pon Farr, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 08:25:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10356297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: A Pon Farr reassurance story





	

**Author's Note:**

> A bit sappy, a bit fluffy, a bit angsty - set just before they have to go back to 1986 Earth ... KS during one of Spock's Pon Farrs...
> 
> Categories: Fiction  
> Characters: None  
> Crossover Fandom: None  
> Genres: Kirk/Spock Slash  
> Other Languages: None  
> Story Type: Angst, Erotica, Established Relationship, Fluff, Romance  
> Trope (OPTIONAL): Pon Farr  
> Universe: AU Alternate Universe, ST:TOS Original Universe  
> Warnings: None  
> Series: None  
> Chapters: 1 Table of Contents  
> Completed: Yes Word count: 2340 Read Count: 630

Worthy Of Loving

Vulcans preferred common knowledge to be that they didn’t sweat, or couldn’t. This was true, under ordinary circumstances.

Yet, Spock stood before Jim now, and Jim could see the sweat breaking out upon his skin. “I’m here with you.” He stepped forward. “We’ll get you through this.” He touched Spock’s face, very tentatively.

“This was meant to be done with for seven years!” Spock exclaimed. “They told me that it had been dealt with on Genesis. The Healers told me – Saavik told me.”

“Yes, I know.” Jim said gently. “I know.”

“I do recall our relationship, Jim. I do. I am just starting to; the part of my Katra that stayed with you through McCoy, it must have been the part that can recollect emotional attachments.” Spock mused.

“The Healers say that that’s partly why you are going through this again. Whatever happened to you after you – after you, left – whether you were in God’s Waiting Room, ready to be sent back because He wasn’t ready for you yet… Or, whether your body was re-animated, or entirely reborn somehow – The Healers are still saying it’s the case that you recognise our Bond, and that your Pon Farr calls for it as much as your soul, your Katra, does.” Jim tried to explain. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? Did you not enjoy our love?” Spock asked.

“Yes, I most definitely did, and I still love you every bit as much, Spock – I just said ‘sorry’ because I’m apologising for the fact that Pon Farr is back again so soon.” Jim paused. “I do know it’s an ordeal in many, many ways, for you.”

“If it was as simple as simply being a time during which to have sexual intercourse; I would not complain about it at all.” Spock stood before Jim.

“We can at least make sure that the sex is good.” Jim smiled lovingly. “Do you have any of the memories of our intimacy back yet?”

“Some.” Spock replied, almost shyly. “I know that ‘it’ was always, as you say, good between us.”

“It will be again, my love.” Jim held, and kissed, the heels of Spock’s hands in turn, and then, he tenderly held both Spock’s hands in both of his own.

“What if I am ill?” Spock asked.

“We’ve dealt with that before. It might not happen, but if it does, I know how to help you, I promise. Plus, we have a tonne of meds and hyposprays to treat you with before this really starts, that should help you while it’s all going on. The Healers told me in what order to administer your meds, or help you to administer them to yourself.” Jim explained.

“Jim, my thought patterns change so much when this happens to me. That much, I do know. By instinct, or memory, I am not sure how I know, but I know. I also know that giving yourself up to the moments of euphoria during sex, are something to be celebrated – and I will. I need this so very much. Yet, my mind is usually so ordered, so concise, not at all ‘fuzzy’ or ‘swamped’ with adrenaline, or hormones, or endorphins, let alone all three. It is a ‘wild ride’ even from my perspective, Jim, even when it is being answered, and halted from changing into Plak Tow, which is something quite different again. I know that you know that. To my shame, I know that you know that.” Spock confided.

Jim put his finger tips to Spock’s lips. “Ssh… No more guilt, please. Your aborted marriage to T’Pring, and the fight with me, none of it was your fault – and I do still trust you, always did. Always will. I know that you won’t become violent. I know that it’s not that you fear; I know what it’s about - for a Vulcan, the heights of emotion, the flooding of your senses, and sensitivities, during sex, and being so bare to it all; that’s unnerving for you. I promise you,” Jim held, and rubbed, Spock’s arms, pulling him into an embrace, “I’ll guide you through it all.”

“And who will help you, if you need to find your way through my cluttered thoughts?” Spock asked.

“You will. You always did. Don’t worry. It will be that way again. It happens naturally, and your mind does not become overbearing. I can still think clearly, and you will, too. You’ll still have clear thoughts – they will be open to me, but they will not over-run either of us.”

Spock leant into Jim’s embrace. “My one track mind worries me.”

Jim grinned. “We all have sex on our minds from time to time.” He paused, pulling back from the embrace just enough to make eye contact with Spock. “It won’t turn you into an uncontrolled beast. It’s not the mind altering drug that Plak Tow was – at least, it’s not mind altering in the way that you fear or think I might need to fear.”

“Are you just reassuring me?” Spock queried.

“No, sweetheart. We’ve had to deal with this before, when it’s been induced by a set of circumstances. I know what this is like. I’ve been through it with you before, within the time of our relationship.”

“Read from my mind, Jim. Read from me; look at me, before you defend my honour. And, if you find anything that makes you pause, then, please, don’t go through this for me. What if this is my instinct I’m processing, about what is to come?” Spock answered. “I don’t believe that I will hurt you either, but this Pon Farr, this time; it has come back, has it not?”

“It has, Spock – and I know that you are scared that this means it will be stronger, more ferocious in every way, but I won’t let it hurt either of us.” Jim held Spock close. “And, what’s more, what you should hold on to, is that I don’t think it will cause the kind of outburst you are concerned about. I have talked with the Healers. I have been allowed to read Medical texts. Before I even asked anything, the Healers told me that they believe this is about our love, our Bond. All your body is doing, by not reacting enough to the sex that you had while on Genesis, is calling out for me, to my body, to a bond, ours, that your mind and body is still aware of – and I am here; I will be with you the whole time. So, it will get dealt with. It will go away again for another seven years.”

“You said that other elements have induced my Pon Farr, outside of the seven year Cycle?” Spock questioned.

“A very unusual planet’s atmosphere once triggered a series of biochemical, hormonal changes in your body.” Jim answered honestly. He gently caressed Spock’s restless, trembling hands. “The memory will resurface – don’t fear it, and don’t obsess over it. If you can’t recall it, I will tell you at some point during all this.” Jim felt Spock’s body tremble; he felt the heat of Spock’s skin, and could feel the Vulcan’s member stiffen as they stood so close. Spock was blushing – perhaps, with temperature, perhaps from being unable to hide embarrassment, as he usually would do. Jim spoke to him gently, warmly. “No need to feel embarrassed, Spock. I love you, remember?”

“Yes. I do.” Spock promised, as he began to massage Jim’s body, kiss him all over with his own lithe fingers, and increasingly eager body. “I also remember, and feel, that my love for you is a fact of my existence. I will endeavour to show you my love, Jim.” Spock leant in, kissing Jim’s lips with his. “I remember that we have done this, and more, before…”

“We will do it all again now, and more if that’s what you want?” Jim pledged.

“It is.” Spock responded. “And, I do genuinely remember our love life, Ashaya. I don’t think of this as our first time – but I have a feeling that it always takes me some time to remember not to blush, not to try and contain my responses to such pleasures as my body will experience because of yours; as my mind will, too, from knowing your love. I know that I have to realise that I can be who I am when I am with you – and, I do. I trust myself, and my body. I know I am not a virgin, and I know that Pon Farr will not get the better of me; it will be answered by what we do, and, aside from the fact that it can make me feel unwell, my Pon Farr will not hurt either of us – but I find that, illogically, of course, I still have some nerves. This is not my first time, or our first time, but my body does feel new in many ways. It’s not as though I think that it will surprise me exactly, or that I think I will become so fixated on its needs that I will not heed your voice, beside me, in my heart and mind. I will. I promise you. I do have moments of discomfort from some aspects of what my body puts me through, but sex, especially with you, is something that I know I enjoy. I know that we are talking too much, and that I really need us to start…”

Jim smiled. “I can oblige you, my T’hy’la. I am very, very happy to do so.”

“There are some things I want to say though, Jim, before I have to ‘let go’; I need you to know that, even if I do start to feel unwell from the other pressures Pon Farr puts on my body, I want this – between us-“ Spock pulled Jim near. “I trust you; that you will help with my meds, and that, if you also need to stop for any reason, you will tell me. You will look after my health, but not at the expense of your own. You will be mindful, as I will try to be.”

 

“I will.” Jim promised, stroking Spock’s bare back.

“I do love you.” Spock then mentioned. ”And, I wish that this actually was the first time since I came back to this life, that I had to deal with Pon Farr. I am sorry that Saavik had to help me –sorry because I know that it must hurt you, that I now have a sexual history with her.”

“It’s alright, Spock. I’m fine. I’m grateful even, because she saved your life.” Jim smiled genuinely.

“I, too, am grateful, to you, my T’hy’la. All that you did to save me – all that you lost along the way – and the fact that you may lose your career also; that you find me of such comfort that you can still find it in your heart to love me, be genuinely warm toward me, and not have that love that you feel, turn into resentment; That you can be intimate with me, a ‘man’ who once fought you until he thought you dead, that you love me in spite of everything; you are a remarkable man, James T Kirk, and I say to you now, the fact that I always have to bite my tongue to stop myself from speaking of while we are on Duty, and must uphold the neutral decorum expected of Officers in the chain of command; I LOVE YOU. I know that, as a Vulcan, I will always be discreet in choosing when to say I love you, but I also know that I will always regret not being able to say the words precisely and aloud, when I was dying in the Warp Core Chamber.” Spock paused, emotion choking his words; he changed to a different tact for getting the words out. “Yes. I am grateful to you, but gratitude does not account for even half of the love that I have in my heart and soul for you, T’hy’la. You inspire so much of it simply because you are so worthy of loving.” 

Jim wiped tears from his love's�eyes, and Spock wiped them from his (Jim's) face. "I love you because you are that much worthy of loving, Spock. You are so, so worthy of loving, I promise you. Let your soul feel that now, and always." Jim reached up, and with his thumb, gently wiped tears that had escaped Spock's eyes, too. "And don't you dare feel guilty for words you think you didn't say, exactly as you should have, when you were dying. You told me you loved me, and I'm just so grateful that you're back here to show me and share with me this love from your perspective, and let me�that you love that you feel, again now. For me to see, and feel, everything, my own feelings and reactions, yes, but yours, too; it's such a gift that you're giving me.�Back then, you did nothing reproachable by remembering that I would get into trouble for falling in love with my First Officer, and then, letting the crew know it for certain. You did right in being clever with your words. I know the truth of our relationship. I have, for years now - and that we know this truth is enough for me - I don't care about having to tow 'the Party line' in public."

“I love you.” Spock repeated. “Pon Farr makes me nervous, but I don’t want you to be nervous, because I will show you love, Jim. Love, and nothing else.”

“I know, Ashaya. Hold on to that, darling. It’s been my knowledge all along. We’ll hold to each other through this. I’ll hold on to you, I promise. I’ll help you.” Jim promised yet again, as he moved in, taking Spock’s face in his hands, and feeling Spock’s hands hold him, and Spock’s fingertips explore him; he initiated the next lip-locking kiss with Spock, and gloried in all this responses he got from his Vulcan (Vulcan-human) lover.

31.3.16/ Improved on 16.4.17


End file.
